orang dalam, pintu belakang..berat sebelah?

penah guna somebody to get something tak?in short, u didnt go according to a procedure..what is procedure actually?how telus can somebody be when dealing with all the procedures?
ok..i admit , i got to work in my own negeri bcoz somebody helped me out..i didnt ask his help but he insisted to bring me back here coz he pitied my parents..if i leave the state, they will b all alone here..but after that, ive tried my best not to use ppl's help again to get something..it didnt feel nice..it haunted u for such a long time..n u can expect ppl to talk behind ur back for months..or even years..so when i was posted to district which is abt 45 mins away from home, i dont complaint much..(i only started complaining after few months working there coz of something else) n when i applied for a transfer, i didnt go to my sedara who happens to b a big 'somebody' in the admin office to help me out..i left it to fate to decide..n luckily God hears my pray..

so when ppl around me dont stop from using their influences to get something, it really irritates me..dont they realise that we have been talking behind their back for such a long time already?dont they got tired?i personally dah GOD damn tired acting like i dont care in front of them..coz I DO CARE!!

it's abt the post that my specialist offered me last month..i dont want to b perasan, but i knew my paed specialist likes my work when i was attached at the hosp..n since then, she had been very persuassive n supportive abt me taking paeds too..she even complimented me in front of the senior specialist from KL (hehe..yang tu really makes me perasan a bit).
after i lapor diri at KB last month, i had a talk with her, n she assured me that she's choosing me among others for the post..n we just have to wait for the comfirmation letter from admin ppl..but lately my friends who are now working at the hosp told me that there's this one friend of ours (who everyone knew very 'influencing'-did i get the word rite?-) is bz trying to get the same post..i should b calm coz i knew the specialist is on my side..but the head dept is a friend to the gal's father-in-law...n all this while she n her hubby got the best options bcoz of that..it really pissed me off actually..

ive been planning to take an exam with her hubby somewhere after next raya, to further our studies..n ive been trying to b professional in it..but how professional can i b when i hv to b nice with the hubby n b very very fake with the wife?it's exhausting..n i feel like im losing the battle already..what's the point of me taking the exam (n hopefully to pass it with good grades) but i cant get a seat at the hosp , the seat which belongs to me coz my specialist said so?it is so unfair how some ppl can do such things to their own friends..i mean..if u want to use 'ur influence', berpada-pada la...takkan u want everything for urself?pls dont b too self-centered..i dont know how long can i stay acting nice in front of u...so pls behave like others..there's a long queue there n i suggested u to start joining us in it